I am thinking…. i am frustrated, behind, and cranky!!!!!

Back in Business…

After a couple weeks of allergic reaction, I am back up running in full speed, although don’t tell my mother, my father, Dr. Galouzis, Matt, Jeanne, Barb, Irene, or My Grandma — Because they are on a need to know basis and frankly at the moment they don’t need to know. I am still only supposed to lift cameras, but does it count as lifting if my lenses go around my waist…. HMMMM

I am going on an assignment to Virginia Tech in AM…. Pray for all those involved. What a horrible event.

I picture of finality get you excited about class Wednesday!

I call it a miracle.

I am home. T-minus 9 hours until I go under the knife. I am not scared. I just hate the feeling of waking up after being put out. Time passes so quickly.

I have alot on my mind. I saw John today and yesterday, and before walking in his room yesterday, I promised not to cry. I made myself promise. I walked in his room to find my best friend laying limp, barely moving. The energy in his room was low. John isn’t low energy, so I felt kind of awkward. But my mom slowly explained to be what was going with him. Together his mom and dad, who are divorced and pretty much hate each other we standing by my side encouraging me to talk to him. I found my standing in front of the person i confided in 10 years, and I didn’t know what to say. But suddenly something very highly inappropriate came to mind… You see John and I had all these inside dirty joke – about boobs, and your momma jokes, nothing clean enough for parental ears.
John’s face were motionless, his eyes were shut. But I looked down and said, ” John, there are alot of MILF nurses with big titties looking after you, I suggest you open your eyes.” And almost instantanously John smiled and opened his eyes for a few seconds. It was the first time he smiled in a week. I proceeded to keep him laughing and smiling. And slowly I realized he was my same old friend, completely aware of everything but trapped inside his body, unable to use it. By the end of the night, the nurses were encouraging me to stimulate his brain as much as possible. He remembers his right from left, and can raise his right hand to his noise. His parents were in shock. About 10 mins before I had to leave, I told John, I had bought a new camera. I let him touch it. With his eyes still closed, he felt his way around the camera, gripping the camera with both of hands, finding the shutter, he clicked about 10 frames, and smiled. We learned about photography together after my accident, and four years to the day later he was holding a camera firing off frames. Before I left, I said he has to continue to stimlate his mind, touching his nose moving his feet, opening his eyes, and I said give me a sign to so I know you will do this and he found my hand and squeezed it. I walked out the door and cried, his mom said, “We hope for small miracles and today was one of them.”

Tomorrow I will post one of John’s photos, tonight, i just feel like keeping them to myself

It Always Happens

I am behind. Really behind and the world is full of bummers which I can’t seem to get my mind off of, and I will be more behind when I miss school next week. My plate is overloaded and I am trying to process all of this but I can’t seem to find the place to start….and no I am not stressed about my wedding…. not in the slightest.
My best friend is dying — slowly. A couple weeks ago they weren’t sure how long it would take. This week they say it may take a while. Months, years they aren’t sure. But regardless he can walk or talk or see. It just happens to be the same person who I dropped off right before I got in my accident. The same person who came to the hospital and coached me to learn how to walk. The same person that carried me through the flower archway because I couldn’t walk during prom. He is one of my best friends… This time I can ‘t even help him. I am too far away to help and its killing me. Matt says I should just go home, but I cry when I sit with him, I cry when I talk to him. He wanted Mat and I to talk about our wedding plans, but I couldn’t. I can’t go home anyway I have to much work to do, and I can’t seem to get it done fast enough…. I am trying to put together this kick ass portfolio but when I went to bind the damn thing… it was off and it’s got stuck. Also my show fell through. And my Love project sucks. I am just full of bitching today. And on top of all this I dont’ feel well. I haven’t felt well all week, and anything I eat sends me to the bathroom with in minutes. I feel like something died in my liver. It’s all just buidling up and its times like this I would rather just hide in my room under my covers and not come out…. because to be honest I am scared of the world. It will be four years since my car accident this Saturday, and even though its been awhile the memories, screams, and pain have never really gone away. This week makes me fear the world. It reminds me there are no promises in life.

You asked for it….

Is anyone else completely stressed out. My list of things to do just keeps growing and growing, and I am not sure when it will end. I have so many resumes to send out. I need to send thousands of the emails and I just can’t even keep up.

Suddenly the realization that I am graduating is stressing me out. I want to produce good work before I leave but I feel like I don’t have enough time because I am getting pulled in many different directions. I can’t even think about what I love. I am not really sure I love much. I am just frustrated and on top of it — I have no desire to go home next week to get my gallbladder out.

Enjoy the picture….

Bleaching and Blogging

Ok so here goes- this is my routine, and I must stick to it.
My routine. (my mom says this is my actual attempt at being a girl, and I got mad).

Wash Face – I always do this anyway
Toner
Vitamin E lotion
Super Line Preventor — LOVE IT
Make Bleach Trays
—
Brush Teeth
Floss
Put Bleaching Tray in for 30 mins
—
BLOG BLOG BLOG
—
Wash out bleach and rinse with Listerine (I hate that stuff0
Put scar protection creme on my forehead
Lip Balm
BED

So there you have it. If you are ever wondering what I am doing at around 1:30 – 2:00 – this is probably it — my new girly routine.

ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE—-

About World Press.
Here is my opinion — I think when photographers submit published work in contests it should look exactly how it ran, but those people who work for places like the AP and then tone the crap out of their work is pretty lame. There was a discussion I had when I got home and the argument became- the people who do that – work for a publication that must abide by the rules of their pubicatons stylebook, and that, that differs from their own personal style. Regardless, I still think pure in the end is what stands historically. I really also believe the way it ran in a publication is the way it should be submitted in a contest, but which opens pandora’s box of what happens when photographers make pictures while not an assignment…and to that question — I don’t have answers too. But what I do know, is I would rather be known as the photographer who makes good images – toned with basic color, contrast, and saturation. Not as a photographer — pushes the limit by burning and dodging as a way to make situations more dramtic and stylistic.

I don’t know, but pushing the envelope and pushing the limits are two completely different situations.

Selling Ourselves.

I am going to take this step by step. So bare with me, this has the potential to get interesting.

First, we need to care about where the state of photography is because photojournalism derived from fine art photography. Social Documentary came first, then photojournalism. I think to not care about state of photography is quite lazy. Having read “A Quarter Century of Photography” and having the inability to take a stand is even worse.

Photojournalism, since its beginning, has been based on the same design principals as Fine Art photography, which is actually based on the drawing principals of Leonardo di Vinci and other famous painters. These principals have been passed on through different art mediums. The principals and elements — positive and negative space, the rule of thirds, a visual center in the frame — in photography are the same. Therefore there should be a mutual respect for each, not a great divide that separates them.

The reality is photography is everywhere and its not going anywhere – anytime soon. From the early days of camera obscura photography has evolved making it easier for everyone to become a photographer. Amateurs at the right place and right time have taken some of the most recent spot news photographs. Photographers with significant experience and educational backgrounds are not as necessary today. The most famous images from the London bombings were taken by mobile phones within the tube after the explosion and distributed all over the world. This makes photojournalists with “real” cameras insignificant.

What can we do?

Young photojournalists like myself should perfect our craft. Stop making mediocre work that has been done repeatedly over and over and over. Vicki Goldberg writes, ” There are a lot of photographers out there trying hard to look as unprofessional as they can. Many succeed. They fall in peculiar vogue for uninteresting, uninflected pictures of chain-link fences or skuzzy backyards, pictures even amateurs might be tempeted to throw away.” The same goes for photojournalists today. Most people can take a photograph with their mobile phones — the idea of capturing moments and reality is not as difficult as it use to be…. So what do we do. We perfect it, we study our masters, the principals and elements that make photography what it is… and once we perfect that, we then can adapt it to make it our own. We adapt and use all the tools that challenge photography and use them to our advantage. We master photography and audio and video. An in the end we master our art.

Then.

We put ourselves on the line. We stand in front of big time editors and art directors like prostitutes looking for a job because without we have no money. We sell our work, which means we sell a little bit of ourselves. And when we do not sell our work we even lose alittle bit of ourselves. Photography, whether it fine art, fashion, or photojournalism is a cut throat business — those that are mediocre make ends meet, those who have craft, class, and talent are remembered in the history books like Adams, Capa, and Avedon.

Just fucking blog….

I am struggling with a purpose. Where do I stand? Where is photographing today?

I am in a mood.